Don't Mess With The Metro

Hello hockey fans, hot take specialist Andy here. While readers are familiar with the rest of this site dedicated to discussing the various strengths of each Metropolitan division team, it’s time to knock them all down a peg. This is all for jokes, so put the pitchforks away as I present to you: The Mess that is the Metro

New York Islanders

Wait...Brooklyn Islanders

Er...Queens Islanders

No...Hartford Islanders?

I thought we were done with the little brothers of New York needing a new home a few years ago? I mean jeez, for a fanbase that trashes how often MSG needs renovations, at least the Rangers have a home. Meanwhile the Isles are still real estate shopping for somewhere that will let them play. But at least wherever they land, it’ll be an upgrade from their current rink with blind spots and off center jumbotrons.

After 2016’s playoffs, people were convinced the Isles would take the next step towards contention. Well some were, others were celebrating their first playoff series win since Friends premiered. WOOOOO! Anyways, the Isles sure did take a step...then fell down a bunch of stairs. This team that was supposed to beckon the likes of certain College graduate free agents fired their coach midway through the season, then scrambled to compete with an injury plagued Tampa team that sold at the deadline for the final wild card spot. Who did they eventually lose to? Auston Matthews and the 2015-16 Toronto Marlies.

Speaking of former first overall draft picks, come one come all to the John Tavares Sweepstakes!! That’s right folks, we all know JT’s booking it from this cast of characters so misshapen that they make the Gallagher family from Shameless look like the Cleavers from Leave it to Beaver. The question is will the Isles trade him during the season or try and negotiate a contra- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry I just couldn’t finish that thought without bursting out laughing.

We all know JT’s gonna command a lot on the FA Market, especially with teams like the Sharks, Blues, and hell even the Knights looking for a first line center of the future (Laugh at Las vegas all you want, THEY have a home after this year). To think the incredibly miserly Isles will break be able to compete with them is one thing, but there’s also that whole “Salary cap” boondoggle. I mean this is the same team that just took on Eberle’s contract that expires a year after JT’s, as well as paying Ladd $5.5 mil for another 6 years. Oh, and half the team is still unsigned past this year. But at least Cizikas and Clutterbuck are inked long term! Priorities, amiright?

How’s the revolving door of a blue line going? I see Boychuk and Leddy are still signed for a while, and...Adam Pelech? Good grief Garth Snow, either some RFAs are gonna need to be dealt or JT’s skating with the Bridgeport Sound Tigers as his blue line. You know, that’s not a bad idea, moving the Isles to Bridgeport…

I mean, I can think of someone who had plenty of experience with that stadium already: Jaroslav Halak! Yes, King Jaro, as the kids with enormous inferiority complexes called him back in 2014-15, spent half the season in the minors last year. And it wasn’t necessarily because he was on a rehab assignment or anything. This would be the classic case of waivers: a sizeable contract that came back to bite you pretty bad. But at least you have all those cringeworthy white text memes to fall back on! After all, why be a king when you can be in the minors?

And when he leaves as a free agent this year, that’s yet another void to fill on the team: A goaltender. Say, don’t you have a goalie on the books? You know, someone you drafted first overall that’s still in his 30’s? Ohh, that’s right, you bought him out from yet another ridiculous contract. Don’t worry, this upcoming free agency market is the perfect place to shop for the next washed goalie to don the blue & orange. Cam Ward, Kari Lehtonen, Jonathan Bernier strike your fancy?

Short term: Islanders’ best hopes are to struggle out the gate, trade JT for a good return, and build for the future. After all, you don’t want to be out of the playoffs and really fumble a pending free agent like Matt Moulson. Or Thomas Vanek. Or Kyle Okposo. Or Frans Nielsen. Besides, finding a new face of the franchise or a starting goalie are problems for a normal team to have. You all have much bigger fish to fry (Obligatory 90’s jersey joke), where the hell are you going to play next year?

PS: I hear the Videotron Centre in Quebec is open…