Don't Mess With The Metro

Hello hockey fans, hot take specialist Andy here. While readers are familiar with the rest of this site dedicated to discussing the various strengths of each Metropolitan division team, it’s time to knock them all down a peg. This is all for jokes, so put the pitchforks away as I present to you: The Mess that is the Metro

New York Rangers

As many of you know, I’m a Rangers fan. And I’m sure that most non-Rangers fan readers out there (all five of you) thought “He’s not gonna bash the Rangers also. Typical biased New York fan trashing the Devils, Flyers, etc but won’t even point out his own team’s flaws. I bet he’s never even lived to see the Rags win the cup!” Guess again folks! Four months old when they last lifted Lord Stanley. Suck it! Also, here comes my bashing my own team.

Last year was a roller coaster of “Alright, so we’re contending this year!” and “Welp, there goes Hank’s window.” One of the best skaters was Michael Grabner who basically took the second half of the season off and still almost led the team in goals. But this was a well constructed forward group, along with a solid goalie tandem of Henrik Lundqvist and Antti Raanta. How could they be beaten?

Welp, only having 2-3 legitimate defensemen a game tends to hurt. At any give time, this team had the likes of Girardi, Klein, Staal, and Holden put in situations that were unfair to them. If only this team employed an Olympic defenseman...or an All rookie defenseman...or traded for a another solid defenseman at the deadline. Too bad Alain Vigneault was sold on putting Staal-Holden out there for important minutes. At times, Clendenning and Kampfer were even better.

The second round elimination, where this team could’ve easily won in 5 had they known how to protect a lead (Thanks again AV, appreciate it my guy), led to a few questions. Will this team go all in to contend within the next few years? Will they tear it down and rebuild? And simply put, the Rangers decided to attempt both. Moves like trading Stepan for a high draft pick would point towards a rebuild. Moves like signing Shattenkirk would point to contending now. Buying out Girardi and watching Lindberg get taken by the Knights were also unavoidable moves, however pointing in opposite directions.

Center? I hardly know her! Hahaha…(three of the five readers close this article) Anyways, this team took a major hit down the middle. Just turned 18 Filip Chytil is going to be needed right away for this team, and David Desharnais will be found on the fourth line because apparently it’s 2015. Otherwise, the wingers look good until AV gets his hands on them. First line of Paul Carey - Kevin Hayes - Jimmy Vesey by mid-December, book it.

At a glance, this is a vastly improved defense. Top four of Mac-Shatty, Skjei-Smith looks to make for one of the better blue lines this franchise has seen in years. Then...there’s the bottom pairing. Despite the trade lobbying of a certain twitter user who shall remain nameless, Marc Staal is still in New York. And like Chicago, he’s been on Broadway far too long. Along with him of course is the glorified 4th forward at any given moment Nick Holden.

But wait, there’s more! As part of the Stepan & Raanta trade, this team decided to go out and get DeAngelo. Clearly having one Defenseman who pinches needlessly wasn’t enough, let’s get another one who’s only 21 years old and spends a good chunk of the game in the box! But off the ice I’m sure he’s not a controversial gu-...WOAH, forget that! No way am I going to support someone who would associate with such a barbaric group of individuals. This is not my defenseman! I will not support an..an...EAGLES FAN!

Moving on to the goalies, Henrik Lundqvist remains the starter. This of course is at the dismay of many feeble minded “Start Talbot” and “Keep Raanta” fans. I mean the guy’s only been one of the greatest goalies in the history of the NHL, but that doesn’t appease the simpleton section of this fanbase. This year, it will be Ondrej Pavelec who will revive his career under Hank and spring such articles as “Should the Rangers start using Pavelec instead of Lundqvist?” “Ondrej the Giant dethrones the King!” and other such paint chip eating tomfoolery.

On paper, this team could be a Stanley Cup winner. They could also be a lottery contender. Honestly, would not surprise me either way. Ohh, and before I forget: Staal for Yak.

PS: You know what would help this team’s need? If they had drafted a competent center back in the second round of the 2012 NHL Entry Draft. Too bad that bust Boo Nieves was taken instead.